How Hidden Shame is Holding You Back?

In this article we explore a certain understanding of achievement that is driven by the earliest experiences of feeling shame, then the impact of shame when associated with sensuality & sexuality and finally healing it all compassionately to reclaim your own true nature.

Shame and the Need to Achieve

Did you know that shame masquerades as humility, quietly convincing you to settle for less than you deserve?

Ask yourself — “What shame am I holding in?”

It’s that part of you, that may have made big mistakes or did something out of your limited understanding and consequently, were judged harshly for it and felt ashamed — usually in childhood or adolescence — like faring badly in final exams, lying, hurting someone in a fit of strong emotion, making unacceptable choices, etc.

You never knew how to move past this feeling of shame, what to do about it, except that you never want to feel this way again. Life went on, but deep down you never really stopped perceiving yourself as someone shameful. So, you hide — ensuring no one ever sees that ‘truth’ about you. As you go through life, you are quietly motivated to do (achieve) things that could -

• Clear your name

• Change your image

• Be known for something greater (in the perception of others).

All that, only so you can once again feel worthy of being respected and loved — which felt lost with shame. What you were denied by others, you deny to your own self. Hence, even though you strive for greatness, you see yourself as someone who is fundamentally undeserving of it. You sabotage your own success — settling for less than you deserve, or undermine your own achievements.

But beneath the shame lies something deeper — anger, betrayal, abandonment, loneliness, grief, and a quiet yet intense ache for safety. And ultimately, it is only your own compassionate acknowledgement & validation that will ever be enough for you, to truly reconnect with yourself.

When you are no longer driven by shame, you become motivated by something beyond limitation — a place in your heart that is simple, plain conviction. Your choices are no longer dictated by unacknowledged pain; instead, you embody each moment with compassion. Fully alive.

Shame doesn’t just shape our ambitions and self-worth — it also weaves itself into the deepest parts of our identity, including how we relate to our own body, desires, and connect with life.

Shame & Sexuality

Beyond general shame, there is another form that runs deep — sexual shame.

Have you ever faced judgement/criticism/blame

• for being attracted to someone?

• for receiving the wrong kind of attention (harassment/molestation/abuse)?

• for dressing up or wanting to look good?

• for expressing your feelings to someone?

and so on…

If your response was YES to even one of the above, then you might want to check for sexual shame.

As children grow into adolescence and explore their identity, during this time shame around sexuality or sensuality can become deeply ingrained. Society, family, or personal experiences may impose this shame, making it feel unsafe to express attraction, desire, or one’s own body.

As a result, so many people go through life neglecting self-care, avoiding deep/intimate relationships, & make choices based on others’ opinions, and deeply struggle to trust themselves.

Being shamed for expression impacts one’s creativity, safety with emotions, sense of worthiness, and nurturing meaningful bonds. The fear of rejection, of not being “acceptable”, lingers deep within.

This kind of shame directly blocks life energy flow at the Sacral Chakra — the centre of all creativity, pleasure, and emotional expression. Ironically, it is this very energy that fuels a life of meaning, inspiration, and fulfilment.

It is only in spaces of safety that shame unravels, making way for emotional freedom, and self-connection. Only then do we see ourselves once again as inherently (unconditionally) worthy of love, respect & deserving of the best life has to offer. And in this state, we feel ready to embrace good opportunities, we naturally bond more freely & authentically, no longer fearing rejection — because we finally realize, it was never anyone else’s business to accept or reject us in the first place.

You have always been whole. You have always been complete. Exactly as you are.

And you learn to become that person you once truly needed — who can safely hold space for you to navigate through those complex emotions, heal, and walk on forward healthily with immense wisdom for life.

Here's a simple practice to Compassionately heal shame:

1. Acknowledge It

   1. Sit in a calm, relaxed, safe space & identify the specific experiences that first triggered shame.

   2. Ask yourself: What am I afraid people will see or know about me?

2. Name the Emotions Underneath

   1. Go beyond shame. What’s really there? Anger, fear, grief, loneliness?

   2. Journaling or voice recording your feelings can help uncover hidden emotions.

3. Reframe the Narrative

   1. Shame tells you “I am bad.” Reframe it to “I had an experience that made me feel this way, but it doesn’t define me.”

4. Inner Child Work

   1. Imagine your younger self at the age they first felt shamed.

   2. Speak to them with compassion: “You were never wrong for being you.”

5. Challenge the Fear of Exposure

   1. What would happen if someone knew this about you? Would it actually harm you, or is it just the memory of past judgment?

   2. Start small — share your truth in spaces where you feel safe.

6. Move the Energy

   1. Dance, shake, or do any physical movement to release stored shame in your body.

   2. Practices like breathwork, sacral chakra meditation, or even simple self-touch (like placing a hand on your belly) help restore safety.

7. Surround Yourself with Safe People

   1. Shame fades in safe spaces. Surround yourself with people who reflect your worth back to you.

8. Make Peace with Your Sexuality & Expression

   1. If your shame is around sensuality, give yourself permission to express in small ways — wear something that makes you feel good, explore movement, or reconnect with your body without judgment.

9. Self-Compassion as a Daily Practice

   1. Every time shame arises, meet it with kindness.

   2. Try affirmations: “I am safe in my body.” “I honor all parts of myself.”

10. Remember: You Were Never the Problem

    1. The shame you carry was placed on you by external voices.

    2. Releasing shame isn’t about becoming someone new — it’s about returning to the truth of who you’ve always been.