Roots that Shape How You Connect

What does connection feel like for you, in your world?

1. When you think of a “good connection,” do you feel calm and seen - or tense and unsure?

2. Does connection feel like something you have to earn… or something you can simply be in?

3. Do you often worry you might be “too much” or “not enough” for others?

4. When conflict or distance appears, do you withdraw, over-give, freeze, or reach out openly?

5. Do you believe deep connections are rare and fragile… or that they can grow naturally with honesty and care?

   
   

As you read along, notice what shapes the way you experience connection.

What a Good Connection Feels Like

True bonds create something alive, that strengthens two hearts.

But before that strength becomes visible, connection is often shaped by everything in between - the nuance, the honesty, the quiet fears, the unspoken boundaries. And for many, intimacy is often intimidating because it is mis-perceived as losing oneself in another’s emotions and expectations.

Intimacy is not only about romantic relationships - it's far more. It is about your capacity to nurture true, lasting connections in every area of life.

Where Unconscious Connections Begin

Often, connections form unconsciously - rooted in deep, unhealed core-beliefs:

• “I am unworthy.”

• “I am not important.”

• “I am alone."

• "My needs are too much"

• "If I'm not useful, I'll be left."

• “If they see the real me, they’ll withdraw love.”

Without realising it, these beliefs shape your behaviours and attachment patterns. For example,

• Anxious says - “To love is to please, over-give, and hold tight… even if it costs me my peace.”

• Avoidant says - “To stay safe, I must stay distant... closeness feels like losing myself.”

• Insecure says - “Connection feels unpredictable, so I seek validation to feel worthy of being loved.”

• Disorganised says - “I crave closeness and fear it at the same time - my heart moves forward and pulls back all at once.”

However - these are not life sentences. They are temporary traits… until you are ready to turn within and meet with yourself, fully, without bringing other relationships in between.

The Courage to Meet Yourself - In Unpleasantness

The hardest moments often arrive when you have everyone you think you need in your life.. yet you find yourself alone, and overpowered by unpleasant feelings (like anxiety, grief, loneliness, anger) - and no one seems able enough to change that.

And the longer you run from the unpleasantness - through social media, constant company, work, or whatever takes your attention away from within yourself temporarily - the further you move from the opportunity these feelings bring.

Because every emotion has a purpose... 

It is only when you can muster that little extra courage to sit with what is uncomfortable, you begin to recognise that your emotions are not obstacles - they are tools there to serve you. They protect you, guide you, and ask you to grow.

Without understanding this, you will never - 

• realise that every struggling part of you is holding a truth you are yet to integrate, to move forward smoothly in life

• Or see that there is no part of you that is ever undeserving of love and acceptance 

What Happens When You Meet Yourself

When you begin to meet yourself with honesty and compassion:

• you admire who you are more deeply,

• you understand how you feel, learn, grow and why,

• you recognise what nourishes you… and what drains you.

This is where being alone transforms into solitude that nurtures, not loneliness that depletes. This is your inherent fullness.

And naturally, effortlessly, love arises from here.

The Heart of it all: Depth Meets Depth

From this fullness, you meet another person - not from fear or insecurity, but with courage and a fuller capacity to admire, share, understand or even receive - beyond age, hierarchy, roles, generations, or apparent differences.

Without the inner connection, relationships are often driven by unconscious expectations: hoping someone else will soothe what is unresolved at one's roots - and this inevitably falls short, always.

Gently, think on these things -

1. "Could there be a part of me that's quietly seeking connection from fear, not fullness?"

2. "Am I abandoning my own needs in any way - to feel chosen, safe, or loved?"

3. "How do I want to nurture a connection with myself in small, consistent ways this week?"

4. "What's one Truth I have discovered about my own connection with myself?"

As we transition into what comes next…

So far we’ve explored how your relationship with yourself silently shapes the bonds you form in every area of your life. And this does not mean you must be alone, or be able to handle everything by yourself - we were never meant to carry life alone.

Relationships are powerful spaces which - when nurtured consciously - can create a safe, supportive environment that allows you to continue to meet yourself, and the other, fully.

In the next article, we’ll explore further - what it really means to nurture true, lasting bonds that expand you in Heart.