Do you know when it's healing… or self-abandonment?

There’s something I’m beginning to see much more clearly, as I continue to evolve in my own journey as an individual and a healer. And it feels important to share this… for anyone who is navigating life through inquiry, inner work and trying to understand themselves more deeply.

As we walk the path of healing - of release, shifts, and transformation - there’s also a line we don’t often speak about.

A line between… true healing  & going beyond our own healthy capacity… and calling it ‘healing’.

And I’m beginning to realise how important it is to talk about this - clearly. Because somewhere along the way, especially in spaces that speak of deep healing, release, and self-transformation… we can begin to normalise intensity.

We may start to believe that

• if it feels overwhelming,

• if it stretches us beyond what feels manageable,

• if it drains us completely…

then it must mean something profound is happening - this must be part of the process. But… is it? Let’s get this straight. 

Just because something feels intense or overwhelming doesn’t mean it’s helping you. If you’re constantly drained, pushing yourself, or losing touch with yourself - it might not be growth, it might be you ignoring your own limits.

For those who have experienced being held through this process, you would know that… inner work can sometimes feel uncomfortable, yes  -  especially because the process can bring up emotions, memories, sensations we’ve held in for a long time… and allow us to move forward with the wisdom that helps you truly grow and evolve.

Growth is never meant to repeatedly push us into a space where we override our own body, our own limits, our own sense of safety or grounding.

There is a difference between: “I feel discomfort, but I can stay with myself here…” & “I feel overwhelmed, but I’m pushing through because I think I should.”

That difference matters. Because the second space is not always healing. Sometimes, it is simply self-abandonment… wearing the language of transformation.

And when you notice that it is - you simply pause.

Because not everything intense is transformative. And not everything that feels like suffering is sacred.

One may call it: “a release” “deep clearing” “a breakthrough”

But the body often tells a different story.

When something consistently leaves us feeling:

• depleted beyond recovery

• emotionally flooded for long periods

• disconnected from ourselves

• like we are enduring rather than processing

…it is worth pausing.

True healing, even when it is deep, carries moments of:

• relief

• softening

• clarity

• integration

• joy arising slowly, effortlessly

There is a sense, however subtle or profound, that something within us is settling - not just breaking open endlessly.

Healing expands our capacity - it does not demand that we abandon it.

And perhaps this is the deeper invitation:

• To stop measuring healing by how much we can endure… and begin recognising it through how compassionately, honestly, and safely we can stay with ourselves.

• To listen not just to the language around healing… but to our own body.

• To know that it may also be time to create healthy boundaries… to honour what truly nourishes us… and to preserve ourselves  -  not from fear, but from a place of self-respect and inner clarity.

• To ask: 

  - Am I opening… or bracing?

  - Am I choosing this… or pushing myself into it?

  - Do I feel more like myself over time… or less?

  
  

There is a quiet wisdom within us that always knows the difference.

And healing, in its truest sense, is not about going beyond ourselves… but about learning to stay with our own truest nature  -  within our authentic capacity, with compassionate honesty, and with care.

Sit with it… and notice what feels true for you. Your body already knows.